Let’s face it: our smartphones are now involved in almost every part of our lives. It is hard to imagine a world in which the majority of people are not heavily dependent upon them: from keeping in touch with friends to driving directions to waking us up in the morning. Out of all of the reasons we use our smartphones, however, it’s the social media that has intrigued me the most lately.
Somewhere in the back of my mind, I’d always secretly envied the people who never had Facebook or Instagram. How freeing that must be, I thought. After reading Cal Newport’s book Digital Minimalism: Choosing a Focused Life In A Noisy World, I decided to experiment.
From January 6 to February 24, I refrained from participating on Instagram and Facebook, and slap me silly it was one of the best decisions I’ve ever made. I feel calmer, more spacious, and more connected to myself and others.
Let me elaborate on my revelations:
1. I actually don’t care what everyone else is doing.
To be honest, one of my biggest fears was how much FOMO I’d have while being unplugged from social media. But the biggest surprise was how little I missed it. I didn’t need to be constantly updated as to what everyone was doing. It simply wasn’t necessary, and I was able to focus my time on more high-quality leisure activities that brought me a much deeper sense of satisfaction.
2. I feel like I am living more in the Now.
There really is no time like the present.
On Day 1 of the detox, I decided to go for a two hour walk around the local village where I was staying outside Ubud without my phone.
Immediately I felt a huge sense of relief. Normally I might feel the need to take photos or record certain moments lest they get erased from my memory. But I was simply so content to observe. And boy, did I ever.
I noticed everything. The sound of the birds, temple gongs and the whizzing motorbikes. The beautiful Bali smells that linger in the damp air. The friendly smile of an old lady working in the rice terraces from under her hat. The feel of the breeze on my skin and the rustle of the swaying palms.
That was just the first of many moments over the next two months where I would begin to feel truly, deeply present. Not worrying about what time it was, what was coming next, who was texting me or missing out on a potential photo opp. In fact, sometimes I forgot I had a phone at all.
Not being so connected to my phone allowed me to live more in my own body – moment by moment – instead of through a screen. I feel more connected with my immediate environment, more engaged in my real-life conversations and less distracted in general.
3. I take less photos because I am fully appreciating the moment.
This doesn’t mean I stopped taking photos. Oh no. It just means the ones I do take are that much more meaningful. Only capturing the most memorable moments when I feel compelled to.
The best photos, though live in your head. Period.
4. I eliminated the compulsive tendency to check my smartphone.
Have you ever been in a restaurant and looked around at the people sitting at the tables next to you and noticed that everyone is staring at their screens? Couples, singles, entire families? Even young children?!
Digital communication tools are like the social fast food of the 21st century. The same way that the development of highly processed foods in the mid 20th century led to global health, the widespread sanctification of texting as a suitable (and substitutable) form of communication is leaving people feeling more anxious and isolated.
We have gotten used to waiting for the next distraction…the next distraction…every split second of silence or boredom can easily be filled by a glance down at our screen to see what notification we get next. Many of us have forgotten the lost art of simply being in and enjoying another’s company, without feeling like we have to constantly be doing something else.
But as I traded digital connection for real conversation, the richness of these real-life interactions far outweighed whatever it was I thought I was leaving behind.
And best of all, the urge to pick up my smartphone for the next *ping* or distraction in every moment of silence fell away after the first week or so.
It’s amazing what habits we unconsciously pick up that become autopilot.
5. No more subconscious external input.
What we may not realize is that every time we get on social media, we are unconsciously giving friends, family, coworkers and colleagues permission to bombard us with their thoughts, opinions, and FOMO-inducing posts; not to mention marketers inundating us with advertisements meticulously designed to influence us and preying on our every weakness.
Frida Kahlo said, “I am my own Muse, the subject I know best.”
Indeed, we are our own greatest teachers. If we don’t take the time and the space to tap into our own innate wisdom, we will never be able to clarify and cultivate the life that is really meant for us. And we can’t do that when we’re constantly giving others access to influence our every thought, action and reaction.
Eliminating the extra input from social media made me realize how much I was subconsciously being affected by it to begin with. How the anxiety would creep up as I became lost in the mindless scrolling.
Without it, I started noticing the true desires of my own heart again. I created space for original thoughts and experiences to happen. My connection with my own intuition became stronger. And my ability to make decisions based on what I truly wanted instead of what I thought others wanted increased dramatically.
6. My personal relationships actually strengthened.
One of the most common misconceptions about “going off the grid” is that your relationships will suffer. This could not be farther from the truth.
When I wasn’t constantly connected to the stream of input from the internet, I was able to think carefully about how I was going to maintain the relationships that were most important to me. If friends didn’t have my Whatsapp number, we simply weren’t connected. And probably don’t need to be (Sorry – I still love you!).
I learned I am a bigger fan of maintaining a smaller number of deeper, more intimate relationships that I am cultivating dozens of shallower relationships. Obviously, it is impossible to maintain a deep relationship with everyone you are connected to on social media. But eliminating these tools for a short while brought into utter clarity those that were most important to me. I found that it was much more valuable – and a better use of my time – to hop on the phone for 10 minutes with a family member or, send a 3 minute voice message through Whatsapp to a few key friends.
7. I have much more time!
I am writing more, connecting more with humans in person, and relishing every moment of my travels without feeling the need to document everything. It’s almost become like my private little secret. My experiences that only the camera in my mind gets to keep. I’m looking up. I’m not staring at my phone all the time. I’m more engaged with the person I’m having a meal with and most of the time forget to even check my phone.
And best of all…I do have time to read! I regained that lost hour (or two) of Instagram scrolling before bed. Not only do I have better sleeps, but I finally have the time to read that book I’ve been meaning to get around to. Write the articles I want to write (yes, I’m blogging more). Be more productive or (I won’t lie) get hooked on a new juicy Netflix series.
My happiness levels did not decline. In fact, with time, they escalated. I felt a deeper sense of joy, contrary to my initial expectations.
I like not being digitally connected all the time. It’s not even really about the technology, but everything about the quality of our lives.
I’m not saying we should banish social media, or that it’s all bad. It’s arguably one of the best ways to keep in touch with friends or loved ones, get travel inspiration, or promote your business.
It’s not so much whether we do or don’t use these tools, but rather, HOW we use them.
These tools can offer much value to our personal lives as well as our professional lives. But the issues begin to arise when the tools become sources of value themselves.
I’m talking about the mindless scrolling through feeds that turns into hours. Or too much mental energy wasted on how to post the “perfect” picture. Or forgoing real-life connection, such as conversing with the person sitting across from you at the dinner table, because it is more important to respond to the person that texted or emailed you five seconds ago.
Spending 6 weeks away from social media really helped me develop some personal clarity around my own relationship with technology and how I was using these tools.
I know deep in my heart I am not going to be using them as frequently as before. I’ll still share if and when it feels organic to me, and the highlights from time to time.
If you were like me and are considering taking a big healthy step away from this little app, I highly recommend reading Cal Newport’s book Digital Minimalism. Even just reading the free sample from Amazon was enough to convince me to take a break.
The very act of being selective about your tools can bring you satisfaction.
Trust me, your personal relationships or business will not suffer. You will feel more alive. You will figure out what adds true value to your life. And you will have more clarity around the “how” you need to integrate these tools into your routine so that you don’t feel like you have to abandon them.
You might even find that an overall sense of presence and well-being may start to permeate every aspect of your day.
Take a break from social media if it helps. Or don’t. But we’ve got this one beautiful life to live, and it’s up to us how we choose to live it.